This
by Michelle285
Summary: A song-fic.  Castle thinks about everything he has and how lucky he is.


_ Disclaimer: No, I don't own this song and no, I don't own Castle. One day though, maybe I will. I own all mistakes and typos you may find in here…a couple of DVD's…and that's about it. _

_ A/N: I heard this song the other day, and immediately, Castle and Beckett came to mind. I hope you enjoy! _

_Got a __baby__ girl sleepin' in my bedroom  
And her momma laughing __in my arms__  
There's the sound of rain on the rooftop  
And the game's about to start  
I don't really know how I got here  
But I'm so glad that I did  
And it's crazy to think that one little thing  
Could have changed all of this  
Maybe it didn't turn out like I planned  
Maybe that's why I'm such, such a lucky man_

Richard Castle was setting chips out on the table, getting ready for the Super Bowl game. Everyone from the precinct was coming over to watch the game on his big screen TV. Ryan, Esposito and the Captain were all complaining that they hadn't seen it yet and Lanie wasn't about to be left out of something as exciting as this.

"You left these in the kitchen," Kate told Castle, coming out of the kitchen with beers in her hand. She also had a bottle of wine, for her and Lanie; and a Coke, for Alexis (she wasn't a big fan of wine or any alcoholic beverage).

"I was coming back for those," Castle said.

He grabbed the drinks out of her hands and set them down on the coffee table next to the food. He took her into his arms and hugged her gently for a few seconds. As she relaxed into his arms, he suddenly tickled her sides. Kate shrieked and jumped out of his arms.

Castle couldn't help but laugh and soon Kate had joined him. He kept one ear trained on the baby monitor beside the table, making sure their laughing wasn't waking up their beautiful little girl who was taking her nap, before she would get passed around to all their guests soon.

Castle shook his head. "Two years of marriage and you still fall for it!" He had been tickling her like that since the day they got married (it was one of their many secret jokes that no one else got).

Kate smiled. "You just wait. One day I won't." Kate knew that she would continue to fall for it, although that may not be the right phrase for it, since she almost always knew he was going to tickle her, but let him anyway. "I'm going to go check and see if you forgot anything else."

Suddenly, sounds came from the baby monitor. "Will you get Hannah, please?" Kate asked Castle.

He smiled. "It would be my pleasure."

As he walked upstairs, he couldn't help but keep the smile on his face. He had a beautiful wife, two amazing girls and the best friends a guy could ask for. He still wasn't exactly sure how all this happened, but he wasn't complaining. Kate told him daily (teasingly) that he was a very lucky man. Castle knew though, all teasing aside, that he had never been luckier in his life. __

Every stoplight I didn't make  
Every chance I did or I didn't take  
All the nights I went too far  
All the girls that broke my heart  
All _the doors__ that I had to close  
All the things I knew but I didn't know  
Thank God for all I missed  
Cause it led me here to this_

Castle used to hate it when he didn't make it through a green light. Being in the car with Kate and his baby girl at a red light though made him change his mind. When they were stopped, Kate would look at him while they were talking. If Castle was driving, which was usually when Kate wasn't with them, he was able to look back at his baby girl, talk to her and make her laugh. Those red lights were also a contributing factor to his and Kate's relationship. He asked her on their first date at a red light and she said yes at the next one they stopped at. A red light was also present when Kate told Castle she was pregnant. That one resulted in the cars behind them wearing out their horns, because Kate and Castle weren't too interested in the light.

Castle loved red lights now. He knew if they didn't exist, he wouldn't be married to Kate right now. He would've never had the courage to ask her on a date anywhere else, because anywhere else she could run away from him, but in the car she had to stay right where she was until they reached their destination. Every time he stopped at a red light he was thankful for them. If he missed all the red lights, he would have missed dating and marrying Kate Beckett. __

Like the girl that I loved in high _school__  
Who said she could do better  
Or the __college__ I wanted to go to  
Till I got that __letter__  
All the __fights__ and the tears and the heartache  
I thought I'd never get through  
And the moment I almost gave up  
All led me here to you  
I didn't understand it way back when  
But sittin' here right now  
__It__ all__ makes perfect sense  
_

As soon as Hannah saw her father she whimpered and held her arms up to him. Castle picked up Hannah and went over to the changing table to change her diaper. She smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile back at her. Her smile was exactly like Kate's and so were her eyes. His mind suddenly flashed back to Alyssa and Kyra. Alyssa was the girl he loved in high school and Kyra…well she had been his everything. Both of them though, thought they could do better. They didn't want to marry a writer who very well might not make enough money to put food on their table and give them a roof over their head. He was so thankful they said they could do better.

He didn't understand why they left him back then. He had already started a book in high school and one of his friends, acting as the editor, said it was very good. He was close to finishing the first one when Alyssa left and he had written three or four when Kyra disappeared. He was so angry they left him, because he knew he would be successful, and he was.

He had finished changing Hannah's diaper and they sat down in the rocker near her crib. "If they hadn't doubted me, you wouldn't have a big sister. Not only that, but I would have never met your mommy or had you. Wouldn't that be horrible?"

Hannah, at eight months old, just laughed at her father.

_Every stoplight I didn't make  
Every chance I did or I didn't take  
All the nights I went too far  
All the girls that broke my heart  
All the doors that I had to close  
All the things I knew but I didn't know  
Thank god for all I missed  
Cause it led me here to this_

Castle would never let it be said that he wasn't a tough guy. He could withstand the most horrible of murders and he could comfort the ones he loved without breaking down. He remembered when Meredith and Gina left him and when Kate and Alexis would get severely mad at him. Those were the only times he would let it be said a girl broke his heart.

Meredith had appealed to his wild side and given him his wonderful daughter, Alexis. When she decided she wasn't ready to be a mother and wanted to leave to try out her acting skills in L.A., his heart broke. It wasn't only for him, but it was also for Alexis. Every time his innocent daughter, Alexis, asked him why her mommy wasn't here, like all her friend's mommies, and he didn't have an answer for her, his heart broke a little more.

He had married Gina because she was fun and because he thought Alexis had needed a woman to talk to about girl stuff. He thought Gina could be a mother to Alexis. Gina nagged him about his books, and she had talked about sending Alexis to boarding school. That alone made them fight more than any other couple, and because of that, everything else that annoyed the other spiraled into a huge fight. After Gina cheated on him, with another one of her clients, they divorced and his heart broke. Again, Alexis was without a mother and for the first time, he thought he might not be good enough for a woman, Gina had cheated on him after all.

While he was married to Meredith and before he married Gina, he knew they wouldn't be right for him. If he knew that, he wasn't sure why he had married them. He did know that if he hadn't married Meredith, he wouldn't have Alexis. If he hadn't married Gina, he wouldn't have a publisher. He had divorced both of them though. If he hadn't divorced them he wouldn't have Kate. If he didn't have Kate, he wouldn't have love. __

Oh I cried when my momma passed away  
And now I got an angel  
Looking out for me today  
So nothing's a mistake

Rousing himself from his memories, Castle finally got up from the rocker, walked out of the room and told Hannah, "We have to go downstairs now. All our friends will be here soon and they will want to see you. Mommy's probably wondering where we are now. I don't know when she'll learn that I do know what I'm doing!"

Hannah laughed and pointed at a picture on the hall wall.

"Yep, that's your mommy," Castle said. "You are so smart!"

He walked along the wall and held her up so she could see every picture. He stopped when he got to the picture of Martha. Martha's picture was right beside Johanna's. He thought it was only fitting that those pictures be beside each other. Kate's mother had passed away when she was eighteen, and Martha had passed away three months ago.

Castle always liked to pretend Martha was a nuisance, and sometimes she was, but he loved her dearly. When she died, he remembered the tears that he had tried so hard to hide but Kate had seen. She took him aside and hugged him. She reminded him how much Martha had loved him. She had also said that Martha may not be here on this earth anymore, but she believed Martha was in heaven. Kate had also assured Castle that Martha was up in heaven right beside Johanna. Both mothers were now guardian angels watching out for their children and grandchildren. As Kate knew it would, that had made Castle feel a bit better.

"That's Martha and Johanna," Castle told Hannah as they stood in front of those pictures. "They were your grandmothers when they were here. Now they are your guardian angels and they will always be watching out for you and protecting you." __

Every stoplight I didn't make  
Every chance I did or I didn't take  
All the nights I went too far  
All the girls that broke my heart  
All the doors that I had to close  
Everything I knew but I didn't know  
Thank God for all I missed  
Cause it led me here to this

The doorbell ringing shook Castle out of his thoughts and he went downstairs. When he got to the bottom step, everyone had been let in and Lanie rushed over to him and begged to hold Hannah. After he had surrendered his daughter, a flash of red was all Castle saw before arms were surrounding him, and he knew this was his elder daughter. "Hey, Alexis."

"I've missed you, Dad!" Alexis said, pulling back from the hug. "I guess Kate has been keeping you in line now that I can't."

Kate laughed beside them. "I try."

"Where are the guys?" Castle asked.

"Where do you think?" Kate teased. "Being amazed by our new TV…that we really didn't need."

Castle walked toward the living room as Kate and Alexis laughed.

"But trying to convince Dad of that…" Alexis trailed off.

"Was damn near impossible!" Kate finished for Alexis.

Castle was sitting in the living room with everyone from the precinct, his wife and two daughters laughing and joking during halftime of the game. As Esposito and Ryan began talking about the most recent closed case, Castle listened, but was a little disappointed he hadn't helped them solve it. He wasn't able to work at the precinct anymore. He also wasn't allowed to go out to scenes with them anymore. He was the resident stay at home dad and while he loved every minute of it, he also missed the cases and getting out of the car when he was instructed to stay inside, which was one of the best ways to annoy Kate.

He knew though that he had to close that door if he wanted to open a new one. He knew for a fact they wouldn't have Hannah if he hadn't agreed to quit his "job" at the precinct and stay at home, because there was no way Kate was staying home.

Castle looked around the living room, subtly took Kate's hand in his and let a smile grace his face. He didn't know what he did, he didn't know if everything here had to do with all the things in his life he had missed, but he knew he was the luckiest man alive to be privileged enough to enjoy all this.

_Well, what did you think? Was it good, bad, horrible, amazing, mediocre? I have a couple of other fics…that aren't song fics…that are in the working and that I'll try to post soon, but college starts again in a week and then I'll probably go MIA until summer! Anyway, please drop me a review, no matter what you thought! _


End file.
